ABOUT MYBLOG

Welcome to MyBlog - A blog designed to be informative and hopefully interesting as well, with no specific topic or concept. Hopefully, my interests and thoughts will captivate the interests of all the visitors here. Oh..darn it...Did anyone even read this? Enjoy it, nevertheless.....

ABOUT ME

I'm just a 30+ U.S. graduate ordinary Malaysian guy who loves reading, living, watching Sports (especially football & American sports...and a no. 1 Arsenal fan) & sharing interesting news, opinions & info, I found on cyberspace, here on my portal.

Alessandra Ambrosio & Jaime Mazur Welcome A Daughter!


Babyrazzi has reported that Victoria Secret's supermodel Alessandra Ambrosio, 27, and fiance Jaime Mazur has welcomed a daughter, Anja, on Saturday at a hospital in Florianopolis, Brazil.
Congratulations!

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How Consultants Make A Difference To An Organisation

For all of you who frequent restaurants and understand the need for the service to be faster, this short story is a timeless lesson on how consultants can make a difference to an organization.

Last week we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange.

When another waiter brought our water and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.

When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?"

"Well," he explained, "the restaurant's owners hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all our processes. After several months of analysis they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."

As luck would have it I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare. "I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen, instead of making an extra trip to get it right now."

I was impressed. I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same

string hanging from their flies. So before he walked off I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"

"Oh, certainly!" Then he lowered his voice.

"Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the restroom. By tying this string to the tip of you know what, we can pull it out without touching it, and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76..39 percent.

I asked, "After you get it out, how do you put it back?"

"Well," he whispered, "I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon."

via

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Man Accused Of Pumping Aviation Fuel Into Car

SAN JOSE, Calif., Jul. 30, 2008

(AP) Maybe he thought it would make his car fly. A 20-year-old man is accused of breaking into a small airport and trying to fill up his car's gas tank with jet fuel.

"We've had people try and steal gas here in the past," said Jim Meide, who works in operations at Reid-Hillview Airport. "It's really stupid."

The suspect was arrested Sunday night on suspicion of driving while intoxicated and attempted theft. But he probably wasn't trying to save money.

The aviation fuel in the pumps used for aircraft and race cars was going for $5.97 a gallon, accessed by a credit card, authorities said.

"Sometimes," Meide said, "these people have the notion that since it's racing fuel it'll make their car go faster."

Airport officials are investigating the security breach.

"This is an authorized area and he was driving around on the field where any airplane has the right of way," Meide said. "It could have been very dangerous if he had pulled in front of a taxiing plane."

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Unnecessary Knowledge

1 - 50% of female polar bears also have a penis.
2 - American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by taking out an olive from First Class salads.
3 - Charlie Chaplin once won third prize in a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest.
4 - An adult giraffe’s kick is so powerful that it can decapitate a lion.
5 - The longest word in the English language, with all of the letters in alphabetical order is “Almost”.
6 - In ancient Rome, when a man testified in court he would swear on his testicles.
7 - The word “lethologica” describes the state of not being able to remember the word you want.
8 - 75% of people will believe any made up statistic.
9 - The brain continues sending electrical wave signals for 37 hours after death
10 - Every year approximately 2,500 left-handed people are killed by using object or machinery designed for right-handed people.
11 - Between 1902 and 1907, the same tiger killed 434 people in India.
12 - Ketchup was sold in the 1830s as medicine.
13 - During their periods womens middle fingers shrink. No one knows why.
14 - A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.
15 - In “Silence of the Lambs”, Hannibal Lector (Anthony Hopkins) never blinks.

via

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Top Twenty Transfers Of The Summer (Aug 4)

The factors taken into account are

(a) form over the last 12 months,
(b) potential, and
(c) transfer fee involved.

The extension from ten to twenty was compiled by taking into account previous editions.

20. Gianluca Zambrotta (Barcelona to Milan)
Last Week: 18


Has been one of the world's best full-backs, but that was before this horrid two year spell in Spain. On the wrong side of 30, he hardly lowers Milan's average age, and one has to wonder if he will be able to turn the clock back to his form during the 2006 World Cup. But if there is one club where he will find the support, it is Milan.

19. Mirko Vucinic (Roma/Lecce to Roma)
Last Week: 17


The Giallorossi have finally secured full ownership of the Montenegrin, purchasing the second half of his contract from Lecce for a meaty 12 million euros. Is he worth 24 million today? Probably not. However, he has improved massively over the last 12 months, and continues to get better by the week.

18. Martín Cáceres (Villarreal to Barcelona)
Last Week: 16


The 20-year-old Uruguayan is regarded as one of the best young defenders in La Liga, and Barcelona wasted little time snapping him up from Villarreal. A touch overpriced at around 16 million euros, but a great signing for the future nonetheless, particularly with Carles Puyol beginning to show his age.

17. Tomáš Ujfaluši (Fiorentina to Atlético Madrid)
Last Week: 15


At long last, Atleti have made a good defensive signing - for free, even. They were in denial last summer when they failed to take concrete steps, but have landed just the man to lead their defence upon their return to the Champions League after over a decade. That he comes for free makes it even better.

16. Giovani Dos Santos (Barcelona to Tottenham)
Last week: 14


A rather opportunistic and clever signing by Juande Ramos, but he is a gamble nonetheless. There is a good reason Barcelona got rid of him on the cheap. His attitude had been a subject of concern for eighteen months, which saw young Bojan Krkić leap ahead of him in the pecking order. His impact on the dressing room had not made positive news either. Spurs fans must hope that was the exception and not the rule.

15. Hatem Ben Arfa (Lyon to Marseille)
Last Week: 13

Marseille have lost Samir Nasri to Arsenal, but have managed to land the perfect replacement in the man Arsene Wenger had his sights on to start with. What is more, they can keep him for a year or two, and make a cool 8-10 million profit.

14. Alberto Gilardino (Milan to Fiorentina)
Last Week: 12


On the face of it, it looks like the Viola have signed an unhappy, out-of-form striker. However, that was just what Adrian Mutu's move from Juventus looked like not so long ago. The fans will help him forget Milan in a hurry, and rediscover the striker that wowed Calcio when at Parma. The partnership with Mutu can be backed to produce some special moments in the Champions League.

13. Seydou Keita (Sevilla to Barcelona)
Last Week: 11


At the time of his arrival he was the best signing Barcelona had made this season, particularly in light of the way their soft underbelly was exposed on the road last year. With him partnering Yaya Touré in the middle, it will ensure that the likes of Andres Iniesta and Lionel Messi do not get bullied, and also get the full license to thrill. 15 million euros worth their value.

12. Ezequiel Garay (Racing Santander to Real Madrid)
Last Week: 10

What a capture! Barcelona seemed to have him in the bag, but hesitated a little too much as they waited for Frank Rijkaard to leave and a new coach to take charge. Madrid managed to snatch Sergio Ramos a few years ago, and what a signing that has turned out to be. This one may be no different.

11. Deco (Barcelona to Chelsea)
Last Week: 9


On the wrong side of 30, a first look suggests that he is past it, but nothing could be further from the truth. There is a fire that burns in him as we saw during Euro 2008, and he has a lot more to give to football. He is not what Frank Lampard is, as he will never score as many goals. But then, he is also everything Lampard is not. Superb creativity, a great eye for the game, and an ability to run the show that has seen him win the Champions League with two different clubs. Finally, Chelsea have a player who can orchestrate the pleasing football their owner wants. With Ballack and Essien set to play around him, it will be an ominous midfield.

10. Amantino Mancini (Roma to Inter)
Last Week: 8


Jose Mourinho does not quite promote exciting football, but he does like a fast, aggressive winger forward at least on one flank. That is just what he has found in Mancini, who will be handed the license to thrill just as Arjen Robben was during the glory years at Chelsea. Tends to blow hot and cold, though, as Roma found out last season. Lack of consistency will not go down well with the 'Special One', so he does need to focus a lot more.

9. David Bentley (Blackburn to Tottenham)
New Entry

A great way for Spurs to show their ambition - by winning the race for the talented Blackburn winger, and in the process signing a former Arsenal youngster. Given what Juande Ramos did with Jesus Navas - a very similar player - this one has success written all over it. He has the potential form a formidable attacking midfield along with Giovani Dos Santos and Luka Modric.

8. Robbie Keane (Tottenham to Liverpool)
New Entry

Make no mistake, I rate him very highly. That said, the Reds paid a few millions too many. He will still score the 15-20 goals needed to complement Fernando Torres' 25-30, so Rafa might just have splashed the extra cash with good reason. Their draw happy start to the season destroyed their title challenge last time around, so goals is what they need, and that is what they will get.

7. Amauri (Palermo to Juventus)
Last Week: 7

The Brazilian-Italian striker made it to number three after earning himself a long overdue move to a top four club, but now slips down to seven. He has already shown his potential with Palermo, and the prospect of him getting some top quality service from the Juve midfield is simply mouth-watering. Champions League, here he comes.

6. Daniel Alves (Sevilla to Barcelona)
Last Week: 6

Chelsea, Real Madrid, Liverpool, Manchester United – these are just some of the clubs that have queued up for him over the last 18 months or so. However, it is Barcelona who land him after some difficult negotiations with Sevilla. Perhaps a touch overpriced at 30 million euros (he would have been number one on this list at 20m), but then again, he is the best attacking full-back this world has seen since Roberto Carlos.

5. Samir Nasri (Marseille to Arsenal)
Last Week: 5

The highly rated French international is the latest to join the clan of young Gunners. Many view him as a replacement for Aliaksandr Hleb, while others go a step further and call him the next Zidane. He has had some problems with injuries, but let's hope those were exceptions as opposed to the rule. The prodigous playmaker is at number five.

4. Ronaldinho (Barcelona to Milan)
Last Week: 4


A gamble? Yes. But given the chance, would you sign one of the all time greats of football for a third of his market price last summer? You bet you would. At 28, he is far from over. Some diet planning and some tough training, and he will give at least three or four good years to the Rossoneri. A gamble nonetheless, or he would definitely have been number one. Number four for the Gaucho.

3. Luka Modric (Dinamo Zagreb to Tottenham)
Last Week: 3


The hottest young Croatian was snapped up by Spurs despite the interest of clubs such as Barcelona and Chelsea, and what a signing it has already turned out to be. Looks set to become the jewel in Juande Ramos' midfield next season. He remains at the sharp end of our list.

2. Aliaksandr Hleb (Arsenal to Barcelona)
Last Week: 2


A very shrewd buy, and what could very well turn out to be a stroke of genius from Barcelona. With Lionel Messi expected to run the show, what they needed was not a Ronaldinho, but a tireless, no-nosense attacking midfielder to offer support from the other flank - without hogging possession or the limelight. And they got him on the cheap too. A true critics' player in that while fans rave about others, he runs away with the technical plaudits.

1. Mathieu Flamini (Arsenal to Milan)
Last Week: 1


The underrated Frenchman was one of Arsenal's best players last season, and Milan's signing was nothing less than a coup. That it was a free transfer makes it even better. The smartest transfer this summer despite the number of high profile players on the move.

Abhishek Thakur (via Goal.com)

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Hmmm...This Looks Really Safe....



via

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Man Spends Six Months Completing 24,000 Piece Jigsaw Puzzle

A man has spent 6 months completing the world's biggest piece jigsaw. The jigsaw consisted of 4 puzzles each containing 6,000 pieces which when put together create one giant 24,000 piece puzzle. You can view images of the puzzle here.

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Wenger: No Limits For Wilshere

Arsene Wenger has revealed that teenage playmaker Jack Wilshere could make his senior breakthrough this season...

Wilshere burst onto the scene last season with his magnificent debut for the reserve team, during which he created one goal and scored another with a brilliant drive from distance.

The 16-year-old has since been hailed as England's answer to Cesc Fabregas, and is set to pen a long-term deal with the Gunners when he turns 17 in January.

Wenger has already stated that Wilshere is likely to feature regularly in the domestic cup competitions, but the Frenchman would not rule out the possibility that the young Londoner could make even bigger strides throughout the term.

"You wouldn't want to put any limitations on his participation in the season because he is only 16," the Arsenal manager told the club's official website.

"At that age you can improve. He looked strong enough and not phased by the big games. The quality is there.

"I don't look too much at his age, more at what he is doing on the pitch, and right now what he is doing is good."

Mike Maguire (via Goal.com)

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Dehydrated Cat


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$10,000,000,000 Now $1 in Zimbabwe

Zimbabwe will knock 10 zeros off the country's hyper-inflated currency next month, making 10 billion dollars one dollar.

Computers, electronic calculators and automated teller machines at banks have not been able to handle basic transactions in billions and trillions of dollars.

A $500 billion dollar bill was due to be released in circulation on Friday but I'm not sure if this announcement will change that. [via]

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NASA's Most Embarrassing Mistakes

From equipment installed backwards to problems with the metric system, NASA's failures can be as fascinating as its successes. Wired discusses some of the more embarrasing mistakes.

Source: A Welsh View

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Mourinho To Ranieri: You Are Old And Fruitless

Inter coach, Jose Mourinho, has responded to Claudio Ranieri’s rant by blasting the former Chelsea Tinkerman with a number of insults.

Ranieri had mentioned Mourinho during his sour grapes press conference after Juventus lost 3-0 to Hamburg.

“I am not like Mourinho, I don’t have to win things to be sure of myself,” moaned Ranieri.

This has prompted a reaction from the ‘Special One’ who just couldn’t help himself from taking aim, and gunning the Old Lady coach down with some heavy words.

“I am in Italy to work hard rather than take part in a war of words,” Mourinho told Inter Channel.

“I want to do well with Inter and do the best possible for us and to forget about the work of others.

“Ranieri? I guess he’s right with what he said I am very demanding of myself and I have to win to be sure of things.

“This is why I have won so many trophies in my career. Ranieri on the other hand has the mentality of someone who doesn’t need to win. He is almost 70 years old.

“He has won a Supercup and another small trophy and he is too old to change his mentality.

“He’s old and he hasn’t won anything.”

The coach also spoke about Zlatan Ibrahimovic and he believes the Sweden star is better than Kaka and Lionel Messi.

“Seeing Ibrahimovic in training makes me understand how Special he is,” said the coach.

“Messi? Kaka? Ronaldinho? Ibrahimovic is the special one.”

Mourinho’s words are likely to cause some controversy.

The coach claimed he was not prepared to have a verbal fight with the rest only to eat his words and add petrol to the fire.

Salvatore Landolina (via Goal.com)

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PM on His Approval Rating: Never Mind-lah

















KUALA LUMPUR (The Star): Prime Minister Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi was accepting of the drop in his approval rating as suggested by an opinion poll conducted by the Merdeka Centre recently.

"Nevermind-lah. That's the fate of politicians. Up and down. What's important is what you do before you leave," he said after a meeting with Wanita Umno leaders at the Putra World Trade Centre here on Monday.

The independent research centre polled 1,030 Malaysians from July 4-16 to gauge voters' perception of current issues, the state of the economy and the leadership.

The survey found that Abdullah's popularity had plunged to below 50% for the first time in his premiership, from a record high of 91% in late 2004 after he won his first term as Prime Minister.

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Rafidah to hand over Wanita Chief's Post














By IZATUN SHARI

KUALA LUMPUR (The Star): Tan Sri Rafidah Aziz announced that she would relinquish her post as Wanita chief and hand it over to Datuk Seri Shahrizat Abdul Jalil by mid-2009.

She proposed the transition plan formula, which would not see contests for the top two posts in the movement.

"I will give up my post as Wanita chief latest by mid-2009 and hand it over to my deputy," she said Monday at the opening of the Wanita Umno meeting with the top leaders at PWTC here.

"Wanita Umno members must give their undivided support to the chief and the deputy chief. Maybe some people may question why I'm not following the transition power plan between the party president and his deputy in 2010. That is the transition plan involving the Prime Minister.

"I am just handing over the post of Wanita chief. I have no power. I have no post in Cabinet. I would like to appeal to Wanita Umno at the division level to accept this proposal."

She said the proposal needed the consensus of Wanita Umno divisions to be successful.

"This is to avoid a split, ensure a smooth change of leadership and so that the movement will not be caught up with the issue of nominations for the top two posts."

Later, Rafidah elaborated further saying that: "What I'm proposing is a formula whereby Shahrizat and I will win uncontested during the party polls this December. Then, latest by June, Shahrizat will take over my post. And when she takes over Wanita will be united.

"When I took over previously, I was faced with a divided Wanita. It took years to build ranks. Shahrizat will receive a Wanita which is unified."

She said she made the decision two weeks ago when she was recuperating from her knee surgery.

Asked whether there was a need for the Wanita leadership to discuss the proposal, she replied: "No need. No need. That's enough. That is my decision."

She said she raised the matter during the Wanita exco meeting and there was good support.

Rafidah said in the event of challenges from a third party, she said: "I'm not going to contest-lah. In the event of challenges, no contest, but we are saying no contest for chief and deputy chief posts. This is my formula. As agreed by Jat (Sharizat). And she'll take over a solid body which understands unity and helps our leaders get through December."

Shahrizat thanked Rafidah on her announcement and the trust given to her to take over the post.

"The president has advised me that it's best that I accept the offer for the sake of the unity and continuity of the movement. As a member who abides by the party's tradition, I listen to my chief and I believe that the grassroots will also listen to the party president's advice."

She said she hoped that Wanita exco and grassroots members would accept the president's advice.

"I will not go against the party president's advice. We are confident that Wanita will also heed his advice. We hope Wanita realise that we should agree that there is no need to nominate a third party.

Party president Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi said Wanita Umno should consider the best option and it was important that the movement was united in the matter.

"This is important to ensure that the movement remains strong and can carry out its duties and responsibilities in facing challenges."

He said he was surprised when Rafidah made the announcement but he was relieved that Shahrizat accepted the proposal.

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Kes khalwat gadis tempatan dengan warga asing naik 100 peratus

KUALA TERENGGANU (Berita Harian): Jumlah kes khalwat gadis tempatan dengan warga asing di negara ini meningkat 100 peratus setiap tahun dan tangkapan paling banyak dibuat pada malam Sabtu dan Ahad.

Ketua Hakim Syarie, Jabatan Kehakiman Syariah Malaysia (JKSM), Datuk Ibrahim Lembut, berkata kejadian itu berlaku kerana gadis tempatan mudah terpaut dengan kata-kata manis serta hadiah diberikan warga asing, termasuk Indonesia dan Afrika.

"Lebih menyedihkan, gadis tempatan mudah terpengaruh dengan pujukan mereka dan sanggup menggadaikan maruah tanpa memikirkan kesan dari perbuatan mereka," katanya ketika ditemui selepas Majlis JKSM Bersama Masyarakat di Wisma Darul Iman, hari ini.

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Van Der Vaart Joins Madrid - Official

Real Madrid have officially announced that they have reached an agreement with Hamburger SV for Dutch midfielder Rafael van der Vaart. Tomorrow the former Ajax man will pen a five-year contract at the Bernabéu...

The blancos revealed on their official website that the 25-year-old is set to seal his deal in person tomorrow. No fee has been mentioned but it is thought to be a €9m deal.

A statement from the club ran: "Real Madrid C.F. and Hamburg SV have reached an agreement for the 5-season transfer of Dutch player Rafael Ferdinand van der Vaart to the former club. The agreement is subject to the player's medical examination and his signing of a federation contract.

Van der Vaart will be officially presented on Tuesday 5 August at 13:00 CET in the Presidential Balcony of the Santiago Bernabéu Stadium."

The Netherlands international had earlier told the official HSV website that he was set to move on after an accord between the two clubs was met on Sunday night.

Ready To Move

Anticipating his switch to Spain, he said, "Very late [Sunday] night it was agreed. It took a long time and for a long while it was uncertain, but now everything is clear.

"I'm glad, but also a little sad. I had a good time here... I'm also hurt to leave. People here always supported me, even in difficult times, such as during the Valencia incident (a failed transfer).

"I had goosebumps every time I played in Hamburg. It's clichéd to say that HSV will always remain in my heart, but this really is the case and it should remain so."

Rich Pedigree

Rafael brings with him to Madrid a considerable goalscoring record for a midfielder, having netted 29 Bundesliga goals in 74 appearances for the Hanseaten.

With Ajax his finest campaign was perhaps 2002-03, wherein he managed almost a goal a game for the Dutch capital side. However his later days in Amsterdam were to be fraught with controversy as he was stripped of the captaincy and even dropped for a time.

Nonetheless he remained, and remains, a Dutch international of some repute, having taken part in Euro 2008 this summer for his country.

Steve Michaels, Goal.com

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Wise Ass Answering Machine

- My wife and I can’t come to the phone right now, but if you’ll leave your name and number, we’ll get back to you just as soon as we’re finished.

- Hi. This is John.
If you’re the phone company, I already sent the money.
If you’re my parents, please send me money.
If you are my financial aid institution, you didn’t lend me enough money.
If you are a friend, you owe me money.
If you are a female, I have plenty of money.
Leave your message after the beep.

- Hi. I’m not home right now, but my answering machine is. So you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.

- This is not an answering machine. It is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling and the number where I can reach you. I’ll think about returning your call.

- Hi. I’m probably home. I’m just avoiding talking with someone I don’t like. Leave me a message, and if I don’t call back, it’s you.

via

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Wenger tells Liverpool to lower £18m fee for Alonso

Andy Hunter
The Guardian,
Monday August 4 2008

Arsène Wenger wants Xabi Alonso to form a Spanish midfield axis with Cesc Fábregas at Arsenal next season, provided Liverpool dramatically lower their £18m price for the marginalised playmaker.

Arsenal have made an initial approach for the 26-year-old Alonso, who has been told he can leave Anfield for the right price. His first-team prospects are threatened by the imminent arrival of Gareth Barry; Liverpool's manager, Rafael Benítez, hopes finally to complete the saga of Barry's £18m transfer from Aston Villa this week, after Martin O'Neill was forced to make a U-turn over his captain's future, and has insisted on a similar fee for Alonso as he attempts to balance the books.

Benítez's price tag, however, has deterred Arsenal from returning with a firm offer for a player they value at closer to the £10.5m Liverpool paid Real Sociedad for him four years ago. The deal will remain only a remote possibility unless Arsenal revise their stance or, despite Benítez's insistence that Alonso and Barry can operate in his already crowded central midfield, the Liverpool manager's need to raise funds forces a compromise.

"I don't think it will be easy [for him to leave]," admitted Benítez in Glasgow on Saturday. "The value of Alonso in the market will be really high. We are really pleased with him and we don't want him to go unless we get a very good price."

Liverpool had intended to sell Alonso to Juventus to finance Barry's transfer but, despite the collapse of that deal and a lack of suitors apart from Arsenal, Benítez will sign Villa's captain provided Liverpool's co-owners underwrite a loan to conclude the £18m deal. Tom Hicks and George Gillett promised the money before Villa's deadline to complete the transfer last week, only for a revised payment structure to cause Liverpool to miss the cut-off point - whereupon Villa issued a statement insisting, farcically, that the deal was off.

Liverpool's willingness to meet Villa's asking price led Barry and his agent, Alex Black, to insist again on the move on Friday morning. O'Neill and Randy Lerner, Villa's owner, then ended their resistance and put the onus back on Liverpool to come up with the package they had promised last week. "I gave it some thought and realised there is little point in pretending," said the Villa manager. "Gareth would want to join Liverpool and therefore there would be no deadline. I have agreed with Gareth now. That's it, no problem: Liverpool have all the time in the world to do it if they want to raise the money."

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Guru Chuckles







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Snippets from My Inbox: Marriage Jokes

Marriage (Part I)

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady, and
after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:

"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time
I want -- and I don't expect any hassle from you.
I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless
I tell you that I won't be home for dinner.
I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing
when I want with my old buddies, and don't you
give me a hard time about it.
Those are my rules. Any comments?"

His new bride said:
"No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex
here at seven o'clock every night...whether you're here or not."

(DARN SHE'S GOOD!)

************************************************

Marriage (Part II)


Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding
anniversary!

The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife -- Cold As Ever'!"

"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
that reads, 'Here Lies My Husband -- Stiff At Last'!"

(HE ASKED FOR IT!)


*****************************************

Marriage (Part III)


Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast
table.

Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no
good in bed either," and storms out of the house.

After some time he realizes he was nasty and
decides to make amends and rings her up.

She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says,



"What took you so long to answer to the phone?"

She says, "I was in bed."

"In bed this early, doing what?"

"Getting a second opinion!"

(YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!)

*****************************************

Marriage (Part IV)


A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.

He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his
wife," Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.

One night, they go to a party.
The man decides that it IS time to go home and



wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well.
He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home Mother of Six?"

His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion,
shouts right back, "Any time you're ready, Father of Four."

(RIGHT ON, LADY!)

*****************************************

THE SILENT TREATMENT

A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly the man realized that the next day he would need his wife
to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a
piece
of paper,"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would
find it.

The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it
was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.

Furious, he was about to go to see why his wife hadn't wakened him when he

noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM.
Wake up."

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

*****************************************

God may have created man before woman, but there
is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.


******************************************

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Work Memo



Dear Employees:

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers.

Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. Therefore, a list of 18 New and Innovative "TRY SAYING" phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.

Number 1
TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the f*ck you're doing.

Number 2
TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She's a f*cking bitch.

Number 3
TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late ..
INSTEAD OF: And when the f*ck do you expect me to do this?

Number 4
TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No f*cking way.

Number 5
TRY SA YING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You've got to be shitting me!

Number 6 TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a shit.

Number 7
TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It's not my f*cking problem.

Number 8 TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the f*ck?

Number 9
TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF: This shit won't work.

Number 10
TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the f*ck didn't you tell me sooner?

Number 11
TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his ass.

Number 12
TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
IN STEAD OF: Eat shit and die.

Number 13
TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my ass.

Number 14
TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF: F*ck it, I'm on salary.

Number 15
TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your ass.

Number 16 TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This f*cking job sucks.

Number 17 TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the f*ck died and made you boss?

Number 18
TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He's a prick.

Thank You,
Human Resources

via

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Chelsea Thrash Milan In Friendly

Chelsea have beaten a weakened AC Milan side 5-0 in a pre-season friendly in Russia, courtesy of four goals from Nicolas Anelka and one from Frank Lampard.

The Blues took the lead in the opening minutes courtesy of a Frank Lampard free kick that was poorly defended by Milan and which somehow found its way into the back of the net.

Chelsea then doubled their lead five minutes later through Anelka who scored with a shot from the edge of the area, for his first goal of the match.

Wright-Phillips then went close for Chelsea as they completely dominated the early exchanges, before Anelka got his second, and Chelsea’s third, after an awful error by goalkeeper Kalac, left the Frenchman with an easy tap in to an empty net.

Milan, missing key players such as Kaka, Pato, Inzaghi and Borriello, had few chances in the first half and went in to the break a rather beleaguered three nil down.

It didn’t get much better for the Rossoneiri in the second half. Scolari freshened up his side at the break swapping Ballack for Deco and the former Barcelona man was involved in his side’s fourth goal. The Portuguese combined well with Malouda whose cross was headed home by Anelka for his hat trick goal.

The Frenchman then wrapped things up just under the hour mark, Malouda again finding his compatriot who converted from close range.

Scolari then took pity on Milan by replacing the four goal Anelka shortly after for Shevchenko who faced his former team but once again, was unable to find the back of the net.

Although Chelsea had further openings with Malouda and Deco both going close, the game ended 5-0 and Chelsea will now return to London ahead of their opening Premier League game against Portsmouth on August 17.

Gill Clark (via Goal.com)

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Arsenal Edge Madrid At Emirates

Emmanuel Adebayor went some way to winning back the hearts and minds of all Arsenal fans with the goal which beat Spanish giants Real Madrid in the Emirates Cup on Sunday afternoon.

The Togo striker - who was Arsenal's top scorer with 30 goals last season - had been the subject of fevered transfer speculation during the summer, only to dismiss it all as pure conjecture when announcing he would sign a new contract extension with the Gunners.

On Saturday's opening game against Juventus, some sections of the Emirates Stadium faithful had let their frustrations be known, which manager Arsene Wenger later described as 'disappointed love'.

However, the 6ft 3ins striker was all smiles again as he converted a penalty five minutes into the second half - and kissed the badge in celebration with the fans behind the goal.

In Arsenal's opening game against Juventus on Saturday, which was lost 1-0, Wenger had opted for a youthful starting XI.

However, Sunday's team was much more familiar - led by captain William Gallas, as Robin van Persie and Adebayor also came in, and there was a full home debut for summer signing Samri Nasri on the left of midfield.

Euro 2008 winner Cesc Fabregas was given some more rest, and centre-back Kolo Toure, recovering from a mild bout of malaria, was another first-team absentee.

Before kick-off, injured Arsenal striker Eduardo - who broke his leg at Birmingham in February - was given a rousing reception as he walked onto the pitch unaided to salute the Emirates Stadium crowd, and the Croatian international could be back in contention by October.

Real had the likes of Chelsea target Robinho, Guti, captain Raul, one-time Arsenal forward Julio Baptista, former Manchester United defender Gabriel Heinze and former Liverpool goalkeeper Jerzy Dudek in their team.

Arsenal started brightly with Adebayor and Van Persie working the ball well on the edge of the penalty area before Theo Walcott's low, angled drive was well held by Dudek.

Then, a swift counter-attack set up Denilson 20 yards out, but the young Brazilian's strike was blocked.

Adebayor should have put the home side in front on 32 minutes when Van Persie floated over a cross from the left - only for the Togo frontman to plant his header wide from six yards.

Javier Garcia then came within inches of giving Real the lead when he whipped a 25-yard effort just over Manuel Almunia's crossbar.

Dudek scrambled an angled volley from Denilson behind and then tipped over Adebayor's looping header as Arsenal looked to get themselves ahead before the break.

The Gunners did take the lead four minutes after the restart when referee Mark Clattenburg ruled Michel Salgado had barged over Van Persie in the penalty box and pointed to the spot.

Adebayor made no mistake from 12 yards - and ran straight to the Arsenal fans behind the goal, kissing the club badge on his shirt.

There was an injury worry for Real when, on the hour mark, Holland international Wesley Sneijder had to be carried off on a stretcher after appearing to twist his knee in an awkward fall after a tackle.

Young Mexican Carlos Vela and Emmanuel Eboue were sent on, for Van Persie and Walcott, as Wenger freshened up his frontline.

Adebayor came close to making it 2-0 when he charged through the Real defence and into the box - only to slide the ball wide from six yards.

The Togo striker was, though, now back on side with the home faithful, who were chanting his name once more.

Arsenal's victory saw them finish third in the final Emirates Cup table, with Hamburg - now managed by former Tottenham boss Martin Jol - securing the trophy after they beat Juventus 3-0 in the day's other match.

Arsenal striker Emmanuel Adebayor is determined to win over any remaining doubters in the Emirates crowd after pledging himself to the club.

He insists he is as committed as ever to Arsene Wenger's side but admits that the rumours have not helped his relationship with the fans.

While he has been cheered by the majority of the club's supporters in the ongoing Emirates Cup, there have been some dissenting voices. Now Adebayor intends to win them over.

'I'm very happy. As a footballer a lot of clubs will look for you but this club is one of the biggest in the world, there are lots of young players and I have a big chance to have a good career at this club,' he told Sky Sports.

'When there is a lot of speculation they (the fans) believe what they read in the newspapers. The most important thing is to keep on enjoying your football.

'Some of the fans will love you and some will hate you but I'm in a good position and most fans love me. For me, what happened this summer is over.

'You have to come on the pitch, enjoy your football and show them you have desire to play for their team.

'Today I am where I am because they gave me a lot of chances.'

Another Arsenal forward, Croatian striker Eduardo, earned an unequivocal ovation from the crowd when he was paraded ahead of tonight's glamour tie against Real Madrid.

He has not played since suffering a sickening leg break against Birmingham last season but is already targeting a first-team return before the end of the year.

He said: 'I was in Brazil for my rehabilitation and for four months I have worked hard every day for six or seven hours.

'For me it is hard because I like playing and five, six, seven or eight months without playing is very hard for a player.'

Asked when he would be match-fit, he said: 'I would like to play tomorrow but I don't know. Before Christmas maybe.'

Source: ESPN SoccerNet

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McLaren's Heikki Kovalainen wins Hungarian GP

By PAUL LOGOTHETIS

BUDAPEST, Hungary (AP)
— McLaren driver Heikki Kovalainen won his first Formula One race Sunday after an engine problem forced Felipe Massa out of the Hungarian Grand Prix with three laps to go.

Massa overtook Kovalainen and pole sitter Lewis Hamilton at the start and was heading for his fourth win of the season after Hamilton dropped out of contention with a tire puncture. But the Brazilian's Ferrari engine overheated toward the end and Kovalainen took an 11-second victory over Timo Glock of Toyota.

"Of course I feel a little bit sorry for Felipe. I know how he feels with what happened to him today; I've had similar moments to him this year," said Kovalainen, who became the 100th driver to win a Formula One race.

Kovalainen — greeted by chants of "Heikki" from the large Finnish contingent in the stands — had narrowed Massa's lead to under six seconds before the Brazilian's engine blew up and ruined his chance of taking the lead in F1's standings for the second time this season.

"I just tried to put pressure on Massa hoping something would happen," Kovalainen said. "It worked out for me. I'm very, very glad to secure the victory."

Massa would have taken a three-point lead in the overall standings with a win, but instead slipped to eight behind Hamilton.

"It happened completely without warning, without giving the slightest indication," he said. "I am very frustrated at the moment because we had a great car and we had done everything perfectly until a few kilometers from the finish."

Ferrari's Kimi Raikkonen recovered from qualifying sixth to finish third ahead of Renault's Fernando Alonso and give the Italian team some needed points.

"We had the speed in the race. (It's qualifying) where we must sort it out," said Raikkonen, the defending world champion. "We need to get something sorted. My car is fast and we need to just get in the front to use it."

Hamilton, who won from pole here last year, came in fifth for McLaren and stretched his lead over Raikkonen in the overall standings to five points. McLaren overtook BMW Sauber to sit second in the constructors' standings — 11 points behind Ferrari.

Kovalainen's first win in his 28 starts allowed Hamilton, coming off two dramatic victories at the British and German GPs, to stay atop F1's standings — and eight points ahead of Massa, whose confident start left the McLaren drivers stranded.

Kovalainen said this week that he wouldn't help Hamilton even with his British teammate leading the title challenge, and that showed in his limp start that allowed Massa to pass easily on the outside.

Massa and Hamilton raced side-by-side into the first turn — Massa even locking up his brakes at one point — before the Brazilian stuck to his position to pull ahead and nudge out Hamilton around the second corner.

The two were out front on their own. Massa and Hamilton pitted within a lap of each other with Massa enjoying a three-second edge after the first round of stops at the 113-degree track.

Massa's lead was around three seconds as he edged Hamilton over the final two sectors of the twisting circuit before Hamilton's puncture left the race Massa's to lose. Hamilton had most of the 2.722-mile circuit to navigate before a tire change and re-emerged 10th.

"I feel I could have had a go at passing him, but the damaged tire halted my progress," Hamilton said. "I don't yet know what happened. But at least I scored four points and maintained my lead in the championship, so this result is not too bad for me."

Kovalainen, who will partner with Hamilton again in 2009, moved to within 7.5 seconds with laps running down on the 70-lap race.

"When I saw the car on fire on the straight, the smoke, I thought it could be Felipe but couldn't believe it," the Finn said. "I was able to bring it home."

Glock secured his first podium after overtaking BMW Sauber's Robert Kubica at the start and then holding off Raikkonen, who had pulled within five seconds of the German driver.

"I just tried not to do any mistakes and stay in front of him," said the 26-year-old Glock, who rebounded from a violent crash at the German GP. "I didn't expect the podium. ... It's just the perfect weekend."

Renault's Nelson Piquet Jr. followed up a podium at Hockenheim with a sixth-place finish ahead of Toyota's Jarno Trulli.

Kubica, with at least 25,000 Polish fans cheering him on, crossed the finish line in eighth for his worst placing of the season to trail Hamilton by 13 points.

Sebastian Vettel retired after 22 laps when his engine overheated, while the Toro Rosso pit crew was forced to put out flash fires on teammate Sebastien Bourdais' car at both of the Frenchman's pit stops.

Bourdais finished 18th after pitting a third time to wipe off excess foam on his visor from the fire extinguisher.

The teams and drivers have three weeks before the next race on Aug. 24 — the inaugural Valencia GP.

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Govt and TM likely to seal broadband deal on Aug 14

By B.K. SIDHU

AFTER over a month's delay, the much awaited signing of the RM11.3bil high-speed broadband (HSBB) agreement between the Government and Telekom Malaysia Bhd (TM) is scheduled on August 14.

Sources said the planning for the signing was well underway and “it is highly unlikely that there will be further delays”.

TM and the Government were originally slated to seal the deal on July 1 but the signing was put on hold, as the Government then had not sorted out where the funding for its portion in HSBB will come from.

“The funding part is resolved now and the Government will fork out RM2.4bil for its part in the project,’’ said a source familiar with the HSBB infrastructure network project.

He did not disclose whether the funding would come from the Ninth Malaysia Plan allocation.

Instead of the Finance Ministry, the Ministry of Energy, Communications & Multimedia (MECC) is expected to sign on behalf of the Government.

Earlier, it was said that the Government, via Finance Ministry, would be involved in the project.

According to the source, this was just a technicality and the Finance Ministry had asked that the MECC to sign on its behalf.

This is also the first time the Government is co-investing in a project where it wants returns, but “details on the quantum of returns is not clearly specified”.

The idea for the HSBB was to boost broadband penetration in the country.

The investment for a nationwide reach of broadband would cost about RM15.2bil, of which the Government had earlier planned to co-invest RM4.5bil last September.

However, the Government decided to scale down the project this year and only work on Zone 1, which covers major cities and towns.

The cost for Zone 1 will be RM11.3bil, and TM was picked as the player to implement the project.

TM is forking out RM8.9bil while the Government about RM2.4bil, thus the need for the signing agreement so that the project can be implemented.

TM had said that it would start to roll out the project six months after the signing of the contract.

However, there are various unresolved issues that needed to be addressed so that the industry could benefit from the project and not TM alone.

So far, players still does not know how much access will be provided to them and at what rates.

The concern is that the lack of transparency would allow TM to muscle its way in the negotiations for network infrastructure usage as has been done in the past.

Whatever the Government or TM does, one must bear in mind that if TM overcharges the industry players, the consumers will then suffer in terms of higher usage charges for broadband services.

Source: The Star

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TMI Shareholders Say Yes to Merger

Datuk Jamaludin Ibrahim (left) and chairman Tan Sri Azman Mokhtar.






By YVONNE TAN

PETALING JAYA (The Star):
TM International Bhd (TMI) shareholders yesterday approved the US$1.8bil merger between India's Spice Communications Ltd and Idea Cellular Ltd despite criticism that the deal was “pricey”.

TMI president and group chief executive officer Datuk Jamaludin Ibrahim said the merger, targeted to be completed in the second quarter of next year, would be financed through the sale of hybrid bonds, debt or equity.

“We hope to finalise that (funding issue) in the next three to six months,” he said after the company EGM yesterday.

In June, TMI said it would pay US$1.8bil to buy up to 19% of the merged entity, which will become the fifth largest player in the Indian mobile market.

The Minority Shareholder Watchdog Group (MSWG) had earlier questioned if the telecommunication giant would be paying 45% more than the relevant volume weighted average market price for the 14.99% stake in the enlarged Idea.

It also wanted to know how the board planned to deal with the finance costs to fund the proposal.

Chief executive officer Abdul Wahab Jaafar Sidek told StarBiz the presentation by the board yesterday “was very transparent, very convincing and that's why we voted (for the proposal).”

He said the group was “convinced” of the potential of the Indian market. “The potential is great, so you have to pay a premium, Sure, there will be risk, but it is calculated risk,” he said.

Earlier, Jamaluddin said TMI was finalising its funding plan and structure and “this is our prime concern.”

The merger, he said, would increase the number of subscribers in the TMI group to about 70 million from 44 million.

He said the group’s Indian operations were expected to be a major contributor to TMI's net profit moving forward. “In fact by 2012, we expect 15% to 18% of our net profit to come from the combined entity,” he said.

To a question, Jamaludin said TMI might not exercise an option to issue new shares representing 10% of its total equity to avoid diluting earnings per share. “Talks for a strategic partnership are not a priority,” he said.

The company had earlier said it would opt for a strategic partnership to help it widen its presence in Asia.

On whether TMI was looking at other markets, Jamaludin said it was focused on “digesting” the current deal. “Any deal within the next one year will have to be extremely good for us to consider,” he said.

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Hamilton On Pole as McLarens Set the Pace


Budapest
August 3, 2008

World championship leader Lewis Hamilton spearheaded a McLaren one-two to take pole for Sunday's Hungarian Grand Prix ahead of team-mate Heikki Kovalainen.

The English driver clocked 1min 20.899sec, just 0.2 seconds ahead of Finn Kovalainen and will now bid to become the first formula one driver to win three races in a row since Michael Schumacher triumphed in the United States, French and German grands prix two years ago.

Ferrari's Felipe Massa was third but team-mate and reigning champion Kimi Raikkonen could only finish sixth, over half-a-second adrift of Hamilton.

"It has been so far a pretty decent weekend and the team have done a great job in improving the car again, even from the last race," said Hamilton.

"The pace of our car is great and it is a great day to have me and Heikki 1-2.

"It is about time we did that for the team and we've both done a great job, it is very satisfying. We were quick in testing yesterday. Q2 looked a bit close but it was tyre dependent and we made the right choice at the end so I am very happy."

He added: "You can never be too comfortable, for sure, but I feel safe to be in the position I am in.

"We have speed to push on and challenge for the win. Tomorrow is another day and I'll make sure I do the preparations tonight and tomorrow morning."

BMW's Robert Kubica overcame difficult conditions and will start in fourth while Toyota's Timo Glock bagged his best qualifying position of fifth.

Australia's Mark Webber will start from eighth for Red Bull.

Germany's Nick Heidfeld was the biggest casualty of the first qualifying session as the BMW driver could finish only 16th, waving his arm in anger and frustration as he crossed the line.

Heidfeld was joined by usual suspects Giancarlo Fisichella and Adrian Sutil of Force India with Honda's Rubens Barrichello and Williams racer Kazuki Nakajima also missing out.

Nico Rosberg completed a disappointing afternoon for Williams as he failed to take to the track in the second session. Others going out were the Toro Rosso duo of Sebastien Bourdais and Sebastian Vettel, Red Bull's David Coulthard and Honda's Jenson Button.

AFP

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Shell Announces £2m An Hour Profits















Terry Macalister
guardian.co.uk,
Thursday July 31 2008 11:24 BST

Shell stoked the furore over high petrol and wider fuel prices today by reporting profits of nearly $8bn (£4bn) in the second quarter of the year, equivalent to £2m an hour.

The figures were boosted by earnings from the company's controversial oil sands business in North America which increased their earnings by 74% over the last three months.

But Jeroen van der Veer, the Shell chief executive, warned that talk of windfall taxes against the energy companies would be unfair and counterproductive. "Let's hope it does not happen," he said. "I don't see why it will help consumers in the long term."

Shell argues that it is investing more heavily in new oil and gas production than ever before to meet soaring demand and a windfall tax would damage its ability to provide supplies into the future. The company also says that the British government should not tax profits made in other parts of the world.

Profits in Canada - from tar sands - should be invested in Canada, said Van der Veer. "I fail to see why the UK can tax that away," he added.

Van der Veer was speaking as Shell unveiled second-quarter earnings on a current cost of supplies basis of $7.9bn as against $7.6bn for the same period of 2007. But underlying earnings were estimated by the oil company at $8.6bn, up 26% on last year.

The company declined to say how much it had earned from British motorists at its network of petrol service stations but it insisted it was "one of the cheapest" suppliers and pointed out that its overall refining and marketing business had been having a rough period with big profits coming from exploration and production.

A doubling of the oil price to $120 per barrel across the quarter drove those profits while Shell admitted that its overall oil and gas production fell slightly to 3.1m barrels of oil equivalent per day in the second quarter 2008, from 3.1m in the same quarter last year.

The company was hit by civil unrest in Nigeria and changes to its tar sands business but the carbon-intensive operation in Canada still produced earnings of $351m, up 74%. Van der Veer dismissed threats of boycotts by ethical investment funds over the tar sands operation saying they should be careful because failure to exploit unconventional sources of new oil could leave the world using more coal.

Shell said its spending on organic capital investment will increase to $30-31bn this year, up from a planned $28-29bn, and reflecting rising costs and the weak dollar. It also expects to spend $10bn on acquisitions.

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